Loved
by Wanderingcourier
Summary: But above all else, Gilbert wanted to make Kiku feel loved. PWP, oneshot


**So I sat down to write a pwp, and this happened. But rest assured, there is smut, so if that's what you're here for, go wild.**

**I don't own Hetalia!**

* * *

Gilbert stared at the phone. The page for who he wanted to call was up, shining tantalizingly in the dimness of his apartment. The contact page for Kiku. All he had to do was press the button.

But of course, it wasn't that easy. It never was. This would change their relationship forever, wouldn't it? He and Kiku had spent so long being nothing, just friends with benefits, fuck buddies, that Gilbert was entirely unsure how to proceed. This was never a problem he'd had before. The line between sex and love had always been so clear to him, he had kept them so separate, he'd never had to consider how to tell someone that he loved them. He never had to, he had always said such things with actions.

But now here he was, trying to figure out how to make that transition with Kiku, that final movement from sex to love (or was it both?). Honestly, he wasn't sure how it had even happened. It had snuck up on him, and he never realised it until he was caught up in the middle.

Perhaps, it was best to start from the beginning. That was what his English teacher had always said, but that was years ago, and he had never much liked English class anyways. But advice was advice, and even as he mused on this in the back of his mind, he was remembering how he and Kiku had met. He remembered Kiku, sitting alone in some smoky, quiet bar, drinking something that later proved to be gin and tonic. Of course, he didn't know _Kiku_ yet, all he had known was that there was a young man drinking alone, and that always seemed to work out in Gilbert's favor, didn't it?

So he had approached the man, all sly smiles and fleeting touches. And he had been surprised when the other flushed, scooted away from his touch. The other explained everything, that his long term boyfriend had cheated on him, they had just broken up, and he was just looking for some time to himself, okay? And so Gilbert winked and scribbled his phone number on a napkin, and wandered off back to his beer.

A half-hour later, the other man was at Gilbert's table, mumbling out a story about his ex between sips of his drink, and Gilbert had finally learned his name. He didn't take Kiku home that night, he thought the asian was a bit too drunk for that, but he did walk him home and made him a promise that if he was ever _lonely_, wink wink, Kiku could call him.

It had taken three days for Kiku to call him, but that was alright with Gilbert. He remembered their first time, all teeth on skin and rough movements in the dark. It was always in the dark with Kiku, but Gilbert had always been okay with that. He had never asked, not until later. Kiku had just said he was shy. Gilbert wondered if that was the whole truth, but he didn't say anything. Kiku had given Gilbert his number that day, "just in case." Gilbert had called him over the next day.

But that was the pattern that continued, rough, impersonal sex whenever one of them desired it. But then Gilbert, on a whim, decided to ask Kiku to stay the night; and well, that had been the beginning of the end for Gilbert. Their comfortable pattern shifted into staying the night at each others house at least three times a week. And at some point during all of it, Gilbert had started thinking about Kiku more and more. About what it would be like to live with him, to go on dates with him, to love him.

Kiku had seemed so lonely, even after they had begun their meetings. And Gilbert desperately wanted to know what Kiku would be like if he felt loved.

And so here he was, staring at Kiku's name on his phone. He took a deep breath and hit "dial" before pressing the phone to his ear. It rang once, twice. What if Kiku didn't pick up? What if-

"Hello?" Kiku's voice, made tinny by the phone, jolted Gilbert out of his thoughts. "Hey, Kiku. D'you wanna come over tonight? Stay the night, maybe?" There was barely a moment of silence on the other end of the call. "Sure. What time?" Gilbert glanced at the clock. 5:23. "Maybe seven or eightish? Or earlier, if you want." "Alright. I'll see you around eight, then?" Gilbert nodded to himself, trying to divine what emotion, if any, was present in Kiku's voice. "Yeah, sounds good. See you then~"

Gilbert smiled a little to himself as he heard the _click_ of Kiku hanging up, before he did so himself. He cast another look around his apartment. He grinned, and got up to turn on the lights.

* * *

At 7:58, Kiku knocked on Gilbert's door. The albino could not contain his grin as he opened the door, stepping aside to welcome Kiku in. There was a moment of slightly awkward silence- Gilbert had a habit of pinning Kiku to the door and kissing him as soon as he walked in, and Kiku was almost visibly startled at Gilbert's seeming restraint- before Gilbert took Kiku's hand, pulled him into his bedroom.

If Kiku was at all confused by the brightness of the room, he did not show it. To be fair, he didn't really have time too, before Gilbert pushed him down onto the bed, half straddling the other man as he kissed him.

Kiku was evidently more familiar with this, as he opened his mouth and moved his tongue with Gilbert's, weaving one hand in pale hair. Gilbert place a hand on Kiku's cheek in return, humming contentedly as he explored the familiar territory of Kiku's mouth. After a few moments, he pulled back, only for a moment, before lightly trailing his lips down Kiku's neck. He could feel Kiku's pulse, and he lingered over the vein, closing his eyes and just enjoying the feel of the pulse, of Kiku's breaths just barely ruffling his hair. Kiku was still, and Gilbert wondered if he was confused. This was nearly the opposite of what they usually did.

Gilbert moved down to the hollow just above Kiku's collarbone, lapping and sucking gently. He was however, interrupted by the sound of Kiku's voice. "Gilbert… what…?" The albino pulled back, shook his head. "'M just taking it slow tonight." Kiku turned his head a little, looking at nothing in particular. "I know. I was just wondering…" Gilbert smiled, pushing gently against Kiku's chest, getting him to lie down so that Gilbert could lean over him, straddling him. "I don't want sex. I want to make love." It was a cheesy line, one he would normally attribute to Francis, but judging by the blush on Kiku's face, he didn't care. Gilbert sat up, pulled his own shirt off, and returned to Kiku's lips. The other man seemed to be caught off guard by the words, but he made no noises of protest as Gilbert slipped a hand up Kiku's shirt, running over the slim, toned abdomen.

He coaxed Kiku's tongue into his own mouth, sucking gently as he pushed Kiku's shirt up to his armpits, exposing almost all of his chest. Gilbert reveled in the shuddering breaths Kiku gave as he ran a hand over the younger's chest, his fingertips only lightly grazing nipples as his hands roamed. Kiku looped an arm up around Gilbert's back, pulling the albino closer, so that their chests touched. It was only then that Kiku's eyes snapped open in realization, his blush getting darker as he turned his head away. "Gilbert, wait…" Gilbert raised an eyebrow, though he already knew what was coming. "What is it?"

Kiku squirmed beneath Gilbert's gaze. "...Turn off the lights." There it was. Gilbert had been expecting it. But still… "Why?" Kiku did not look at him, mumbling, "I don't want you to see…" Gilbert sat up. This was an interesting development. "Why? You're…" He looked over Kiku's chest, or what he could see of it. Kiku had shifted, pulled his shirt back down. Gilbert frowned and ran a hand over Kiku's stomach through the cloth. "What don't you want me to see?" Kiku was silent, grasping the hem of his shirt tightly. "I… I just don't like it when people look at me."

Gilbert furrowed his brows, before relaxing his face. Arguing would get him nowhere. "Kiku. Whatever it is you're scared of… Just trust me. Please." Kiku glanced back up. "I'm not…" He looked back away, clearly debating with himself. His grip loosened on his shirt, but he still did not look up. "I don't know." It might have been an answer to a question never asked, or maybe Kiku just needed to admit to himself, Gilbert didn't know. His hand rested over Kiku's heart. "I won't hurt you." He couldn't, not even if he wanted to.

Kiku let go of the shirt, even pulling it up. There was a moment where they both fumbled, Kiku sitting up shallowly as Gilbert pulled it off, tossed it away. His fingers tugged questioningly at the edge of Kiku's pants, and Kiku rolled his hips and tugged at the buttons of Gilbert's own pants. Gilbert's grin returned as he ground back against Kiku, undoing his belt and unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. It hardly took any time at all for them both to be naked. Gilbert looked over Kiku's body with newfound appreciation. He had seen it so many times, but it had always been in the dark, and Gilbert had never really paid attention to it. He was always too concerned with getting his pleasure then and there.

But as he looked over it now, he was struck by how beautiful he found it. He leaned back down, kissing just above Kiku's pubic area. He began a trail, kissing and licking every inch of Kiku with a sort of tenderness he could not recall using before. He could feel Kiku's breaths, every movement the asian made seemed to reverberate throughout his body. It was only as Gilbert ran his tongue along Kiku's stomach that he looked up, trying to gauge Kiku's reaction. The other man's eyes were shut tight, his blush a deep brilliant red. He was flexing and unflexing his hands, clearly uncomfortable, but…

Oh. Ohh. Gilbert glanced back down at Kiku's practically dripping erection. He kept moving up Kiku's chest, peppering it with kisses and small love bites, as he took both Kiku's and his own erection together in one hand, pumping them slowly. The gasp that Kiku released was music to Gilbert's ears as he continued, hovering over Kiku's face now. He braced himself with his other arm as he leaned down, brushing his lips over Kiku's, pressing his tongue against Kiku's teeth. Kiku opened his mouth, but Gilbert was there only a second before pulling away again. He moved slightly, so that he was only a sparse few inches from Kiku's ear, before bringing his other hand back up and pressing three finger's to Kiku's lips.

Kiku obediently opened his mouth, practically moaning as he sucked Gilbert's fingers, coating them in saliva. Gilbert leaned just barely closer, licking the shell of Kiku's ear. "You really are beautiful, you know. Especially like this…" Kiku mumbled something around his fingers. "You shouldn't hide yourself. God, you're so beautiful…" He kissed behind Kiku's ear, withdrawing his fingers from Kiku's mouth. He sat back up. "Turn over." Kiku nodded, already familiar with this process, and turn onto one side. Gilbert moved behind him, pressing Kiku's back flush with his own chest and using his non-slickened hand to lift one of Kiku's legs slightly. He rested his chin on Kiku's shoulders, leaning his head against Kiku's. "Ready?"

Kiku nodded, and Gilbert pushed two fingers in. Kiku hissed through his teeth a little, but other than that, he made no indication that he was in pain. Gilbert slipped the third finger in, stretching Kiku and wiggling his fingers. It took him only a few moments to find Kiku's prostate, and as the younger man gasped and arched his back, Gilbert marveled at how well he knew this man's body. It was surreal, in a way, being able to get stoic, shy Kiku to make such incredible noises. He massaged the area, just listening to Kiku's mewls and moans. Kiku gripped the sheets, hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

All of the sudden, Gilbert pulled his fingers out. Kiku gasped, both at the loss of pleasure and the sudden feeling of emptiness. He looked blearily at Gilbert as best he could, clearly hesitating. Gilbert wondered at this. Kiku knew what was coming, so what was he…? Gilbert's thoughts were interrupted by Kiku sitting up. Gilbert blinked, opened his mouth to ask what Kiku was doing, but he was cut off by Kiku before he could ask. "Do you want me to… ah… prepare you a different way?"

Gilbert was lost for words. Did Kiku mean…? Kiku glanced down at Gilbert's crotch, subconsciously licking his lips. So he did. Gilbert's mouth felt dry. "...If you want to. I mean…" Kiku nodded his head, considering how best to approach the issue for a few moments. He lay down on his side, so that he was facing Gilbert, but not face to face. He took a deep breath, evidently preparing himself, before taking the head of Gilbert's cock in his mouth.

Gilbert moaned out loud at this, tiling his head back to rest against his shoulder. Kiku began to suck, taking as much of Gilbert's dick into his mouth as he could, and bobbing his head. Gilbert began to pant, reaching down to stroke Kiku's hair, encouraging the asian to take him deeper. Kiku kept his pace steady, carefully working what he could fit into his mouth. Gilbert's hand ran from Kiku's hair down his torso, wanting to touch as much of Kiku as he could. Abruptly, Kiku pulled his mouth away, only to lick up and down Gilbert's thick shaft, coating what he couldn't take into his mouth with saliva. Gilbert moaned Kiku's name, still in disbelief that this was happening, that Kiku had offered this. Kiku had never really been dominant in bed, not usually doing more than what he was told, and taking only what he was offered.

Once Gilbert's shaft was coated in saliva, Kiku pulled away again, returning to the couple's previous position. Gilbert kissed his shoulder, wrapping an arm around Kiku's chest. "Are you sure about this? It'll be rougher than real lube…" Kiku nodded. "I'll be fine." Gilbert hesitated, but… "If you say so." He lifted Kiku's leg and carefully guided himself inside.

Gilbert closed his eyes in ecstasy. Sex with Kiku was always good, that was why he came back in the beginning of all this, but it was a hundred times better now that he was really taking the time to appreciate it. He paused, giving Kiku time to get used to the feeling. It really was rougher without proper lube, and even though Gilbert wanted nothing more than to start thrusting, to enjoy the heat and tightness and friction, he knew that Kiku would need to adjust.

It took a few seconds, but finally, Kiku's breathing evened out, and he rolled his hips back, asking. Gilbert eagerly obliged, thrusting into Kiku. He began to pant again, pressing kisses into Kiku's shoulder and neck. He angled himself, and Kiku erupted into moans as Gilbert struck his prostate on every thrust. Gilbert wished he could see Kiku's face, but he found himself unwilling to take the time to adjust himself, instead relishing in the lascivious noises erupting from Kiku's throat. Kiku was bucking his hips back, meeting Gilbert's every thrust, mewling and crying out Gilbert's name. His shoulders were pressed awkwardly against Gilbert, the result of trying to press himself closer to the albino and arching his back at the same time.

Gilbert was finally able to move his hand up from it's previous spot by Kiku's lower torso up to Kiku's jaw, moving and holding his head in place, a bit above Gilbert's. He kissed Kiku's neck, his jaw, his collar, every inch of skin he could reach. God, the blush, the look on Kiku's face everytime he moaned, the glazed, pleasured look in his eyes, it was all so _beautiful_ and Gilbert could hardly take it.

Kiku tensed, and Gilbert knew what was happening before Kiku could get the strangled cry out. He thrusted harder, biting down on Kiku's neck, sucking hard on the little wound. Kiku called Gilbert's name, he practically _screamed_ it, and finally he came. His walls clamped around Gilbert's cock, and he shut his eyes as he thrusted, so close to orgasm it was nearly painful.

It was only a few more thrusts until he came. He slowed down, riding the orgasm out the best he could. Finally, he pulled out. Kiku rolled onto his back, sighing contentedly. Gilbert sat up, rolling his shoulders. He glanced down at Kiku. "So that was good?"

Kiku nodded, his lips twitching into a smile. There was a moment of silence as they contemplated each other. Gilbert leaned back against the headboard, just thinking, when Kiku nudged him. "I'm going to go shower. Do you want to…?" Gilbert raised an eyebrow. "Man, you really have good endurance." Kiku blushed again, sitting up. "Not like that. Just…" He looked at Gilbert's grinning face. "Nevermind. I'll be right back." He got up, and Gilbert was pleased to notice a slight limp as Kiku walked to the bathroom.

"You're still staying the night, right?" Gilbert called to Kiku's back. Kiku paused at the door to the bedroom. "Yeah. Why?" Gilbert's grin faded into a more genuine smile. "I just like it when you stay over. It makes me happy." Kiku looked over his shoulder. "...I like staying over here, too." Gilbert nodded. Well, if they were this far… "We should date."

Kiku turned around. He opened his mouth to say something, but paused, and smiled. "Yeah. We should."

* * *

It was dark when Gilbert woke up. He squinted through the darkness at his clock. The bright red numbers declared it to be 2:48. He groaned, sitting up. He had read somewhere that it was natural for people to wake up about halfway through the night, but that didn't make it any more frustrating when it happened.

He looked over at the man next to him. Kiku. As of now, _his _Kiku. The thought made him happy. He lay back down, pulling the covers back over him. He put his arm around Kiku's waist, adjusting himself so that he could comfortably rest his chin on top of Kiku's head.

He hoped, prayed, that he could make Kiku feel loved.

* * *

**So that just happened. Mostly because there is not enough smut in the world.**

**I don't know anymore.**

**The only way to make my writing (and consequently, my other stories) better is to review!**


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